FISH'N
FUNNIES
I think every web site should have a humor section. We all need a laugh from
time to time. I dedicate my Fish'n Funnies section to all of you in need of a
laugh. Please enjoy and feel free to email me your jokes and I'll be more than
happy to post them. Please try to keep them clean.
Drinking Buddies (This one is not
about fishing but it's funny)
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddy bikers who worked as aircraft
mechanics in
Dallas , Tx .
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar
withnothing to do. Bud said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high
octane hootch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing. Then the
phone rings.
It's Jim.
Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Bud says, 'I feel great. How about you?'
Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Bud says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We
ought to do this more often.'
'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver .
NEW Woman Goes into Wal Mart
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and
goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark
shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and
reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it
makes. She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says,
"That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB Test
line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only
$20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card
drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. As she bends
down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really
embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was
she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person
around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please. "The woman is
totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it on sale for $20.00?
How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00,
but the duck call is $11.00 and the catfish bait is $3.50."
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NEW You might be a fisherman if...
1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think
it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels
with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) BobberStop Tackle Shop has a private line just for you.
8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your
family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a
palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the
ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit
in the garage.
16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone.
NEW Two Blondes
Two blondes were fishing by a stream one day when a game warden suddenly
appeared. Upon seeing the ladies he struck up a conversation which eventually
led to the question, "Do you gals have fishing licenses?" "We don't need fishing
licenses," one of the blondes replied. "we're using magnets to dredge the bottom
for debris." Somewhat perplexed, the warden demanded to see those magnets. The
blondes complied and reeled in their rigs, and sure enough, magnets were
attached to the ends of their lines. "OK'" grumbled the warden, as he left. When
he was out of sight, one of the blondes giggled, "Stupid warden doesn't know
there's steelhead in here!"
Boudreaux
Well suddenly while fishing Boudreaux died. Marie send his obituary into the
newspaper. It said Boudreaux died yesterday while fishing. Well the newspaper
people called her and said you can put a little more in the paper. You have 10
lines. So the next day the obituary appeared in the paper: Boudreaux died while
fishing yesterday. Boat For Sale.
State Trooper
Emile was driving his pickumup truck down the levee pretty fast one day. A
Louisiana State Trooper spotted Emile, and took off after him, but Emile just
kept going faster and faster. The trooper turned his lights and siren on, but
Emile just kept going. After about twenty miles, Emile ran out of gas, and had
to stop. The trooper jumped out of his car yelling at Emile, "Why didn't you
stop ? I know you saw me !" Emile replies, "Well, officer, I'm truly sorry for
dat. But you see, a few years ago my wife, Marie, she ran off wid a state
trooper, and when I saw you, I thought you was him tryin' to bring her back. So
I was tryin' to get away fast.
Baby Crawfish
A baby crawfish and its mother were walking along a ditch when the baby crawfish
who had gone ahead, comes flying back down the ditch. The mother followed and
asked, "What is the matter?" The baby crawfish answers, "Look that big thing
right there." The mother says "Don't worry about that; it is just a cow." So
they keep walking. Then the baby crawfish comes flying down again. The mother
asked again, "What is the matter?" The baby says look at that thing right there.
The mother says "That is just a dog; it will not hurt you," so they kept
walking. Then suddenly the mother goes flying by the baby crawfish. The baby
crawfish asked its mother what's wrong, and the mother said, "Run! That's a
Cajun and they eat anything
White Man
The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial
pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two
Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many years.
You have seen all his progress and all his problems." The chief nodded. The
official continued, "What do you think of all the white man has done?" The chief
stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied. "When
white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty
buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian
men hunted and fished all the time." The chief paused, then added, "Only white
man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
Blonde Ice Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she
headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she
started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed,
''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the
ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in
the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite
scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another
hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' The
very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice
answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
Fishing in Cajun Country
A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice
chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden
asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Deez here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round
for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I
take dem home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth
ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several
minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Cajun
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"
Folks in Louisiana may not be as smart as some, but they aren't as dumb as most.
Boudreaux/Thibodeaux Fishing Trip
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decide to go fishing in the Atchafalaya Spillway one
morning. Well, they rent a little boat and they drive out to their secret spot
miles away. Well, they fish all afternoon and they filled up the boat with fish.
Around 5:00 that evening they decide to go in and cook up the fish for everyone.
Well, ol Boudreaux stands up and tries to pull on the rope to start the engine
and when he pulls on it the first time, the whole engine just falls in the
water. Well, Boudreaux decides to dive in the water and see what the situation
was. He stays down there for quite a while and Thibodeaux gets worried that
something happened to his friend. Well, Thibodeaux sticks his head under water
and sees Boudreaux trying to pull start the engine underwater. Thibodeaux
motions for Boudreaux to come back up to the surface. When he gets up to the
surface, Thibodeaux is just shaking his head in disgust. Boudreaux asks
Thibodeaux, "What's wrong my friend?" Thibodeaux stands up in the boat and looks
at Boudreaux and says. " Mais Boudreaux, it should be obvious to you dat you
can't start the engine like dat underwater, you gotta choke the thing first."
Boudreaux & the Game Warden Go Fishing
This Louisiana game warden had been keeping an eye on the fishing docks, when
after about a week he noticed that Boudreaux had been coming back every day with
a boat full of fish. One day he starts to talk to Boudreaux as he's pulling his
boat in. The warden says,' Boudreaux, I been watchin you. I notice every day dat
you been comin' in wid a full load of fish. You must be havin some good luck?
Eh?" Boudreaux answers, "May yah, dem fish is easy to catch." The game warden
replies, "Well listen. I got me a day off comin next Saturday. I was wondring,
maybe I could go an fish wid you?" Boudreaux replies, "May dat be no problem.
Jus make shore you be here at dat 6 a.m. sharp. Cause I gonna leave dis dock wid
or widout you." "Mais I'll be here, don't chu worry none about dat" answers the
warden.
Saturday comes and the game warden is waiting at the dock when Boudreaux pulls
up and puts his boat in the water. The game warden gets in and Boudreaux
proceeds to drive the boat out to the middle of the lake. At this point,
Boudreaux shuts off the engine and lets the boat glide to a stop. The game
warden, who'd been curious anyway, says to Boudreaux, "May Boudreaux, I been
lookin aroun dis boat, and I notice dat all you don brought was dis here
ice-chest and dat little brown paper bag under your seat. May, you don't even
got no fishin pole." Boudreaux answers, "May, dat be because dats all I need"
And he proceeds to pull a stick of dynamite out of the brown paper bag, lights
it, thows it in the water and watches it go boooom! All the fish in the area,
being stunned, float to the top of the water.
The warden, by this time, can't believe his eyes. Half yelling, he says to
Boudreaux, "Mais Boudreaux, I know we been knowin each udder for a long time,
but man, you can't be doing dat, especially wid me being a game warden n all.
Mais, dat's agin de law in a big way dat is." Boudreaux, without say a word,
calmly reaches down into the bag (with the warden still rattling off), pulls out
a stick, lights it, hands it to the warden and says, "You gonna talk, or you
gonna fish?"
Pierre & Boudreaux Go Fishing
Pierre and Boudreaux went fishing in Pierre's boat but were not doing very good.
They came across Alphonse in a boat loaded with fish. Pierre asked Alphonse what
his secret was. Alphonse said, "Jes go out through that pass over dere until the
water gets fresh. Stop dere and drop yer line."
All excited, Pierre fired up the motor and headed through the pass. When they
got a little ways out, he told Boudreaux to fill up a bucket and taste the
water. Boudreaux complied and said, "It's still salty, Pierre!" Pierre went
further out and told Boudreaux to taste the water again. Boudreaux said the same
thing, "It's still salty, Pierre!" This went on for hours and it was starting to
get dark, and they were in the middle of nowhere, when Pierre said to taste the
water one last time. Boudreaux replied, "But Pierre, there's no more water in
the bucket!"
Boudreaux's Boat For Sale?
One day, Boudreaux had a sign in his yard that read "Boat for Sale."
Pierre came by and said, "Boudreaux ... tell me sometin ... why you got dat sign
in dat yard dat say 'Boat for Sale'? Mais, you ain't got no boat!"
Boudreaux replied "Mais no I don't got no boat, but see my car over dare by dat
sign?"
Pierre responded "Mais yeah I see dat car."
Boudreaux then said "And see my trailor over dare by dat sign?"
Pierre said "Mais yeah I see dat trailor."
Boudreaux said "Mais Pierre, dey boat for sale, wats de matter wid you!"
The Camping Trip
Pierre and Boudreaux went on a camping trip.
After supper and several beers they both laid down for the night, and went to
sleep.
Some hours later, Boudreaux woke up and nudged Pierre.
Boudreaux says, "Pierre, look up at de sky and tell me whatchu see."
Pierre replies, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Boudreaux says, "What does dat tell you?"
Pierre ponders for a minute, den says ... "Astronomically, it tells me dat dere
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I
observe dat Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce dat de time is
approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see dat God is all
powerful and dat we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect dat
we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
Well, despite all of de amazing information coming from Pierre, Boudreaux is not
impressed. Boudreaux asks, "Mais Pierre, but *what* does dat tell you?"
Pierre is silent and puzzled, and doesn't answer.
Boudreaux slaps Pierre across de head and says, "Pierre, you idiot. Someone has
stolen our dam tent!"
Boudreaux and the Frog
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night
crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his
mout.
He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs so he decided to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or
he'd get bit.
He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak
dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get
hisself free.
But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mout open and got de frog and puts it in his baitcan.
Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna bite him good,
but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls
out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some draps into de snakes mout.Well, dat
snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat Boudreaux
toss's dat snake into de bayou den he goes back to fishin.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly
look down and dare dat water mocassin was with two frogs in his mout.
Boudreaux, Thibodeaux & Dugas Go Fishing
Boudreaux, Thibodeaux & Dugas went fishing at Cypremort Point one Saturday. The
water was really rough and the old flat bottom wooden boat hit a big wave and
Dugas fell overboard and drowned. Boudreaux, scratching his head in disbelief
told Thibodeaux that one of them had to go back and break the bad news to Dugas'
wife. Thibodeaux shaking his head no...said, bbbut, Bbb-boooo-dreaux, I
st-t-uuter ttt-tooo mmm muuch. Yyy-you gon hav ttt-to ddd-do it.
Boudreaux placed his hand on Thibodeaux's shoulder and said, "But Thib, you know
Mrs Dugas better than me Cher, you gon hav to do it. Thibodeuax shook his head
more and began to stutter some more babble when Boudreaux stopped him. "Thib, my
fren you can do it, cher, just relax you sef. You know the country singer Mel
Tillis? Mais, he stutters all the time, but when he's on stage he sings so
beautiful. He can do it, because he concentrates his sef and lets the words flow
out. When you tell Mrs Dugas think about Mel Tillis and do like he does.
Thibodeaux began to look relaxed and looked at Boudreaux for reassurance.
Ooo-okay Booood, I'll ttt-try.
They get back to Dugas' house and Thib knocks on the front door. Mrs Dugas
answers the door and says, Mais Thibodeaux how are you cher? Where's my Dugas?
Thibodeaux swallowed the lump in his throat and started to speak, but stopped.
Mrs Dugas looked at him and asked again, Where's my Dugas? Thibodeaux said,
"Mmm-Mrs Ddd-dugas, he paused a few seconds and thought about Mel Tillis then
began singing, "Guess who drowned at Cypremort Point, Dugas Dugas. Guess who
drowned at Cypremort Point, Dugas Dugas".
Boudreaux Marks the Spot
One day Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decide to go out to the basin to do some
fishing. So they go down to the dock and rent them a real nice pirogue (cajun
canoe), get all the bait they need, pack up the pirogue, and go on their way.
Well, they try all day long at all of the good spots that they can find, but
don't catch a single one. Finally, Boudreaux turns to his partner and says,
"Thib, mais dis is ridiculous. We've been here all day and tried every spot we
know of and we still haven't caught a single fish. Let's try one more spot. If
we don't catch a ting, then we're leaving." So the two go to one more spot on
the basin, and what do you know, they start catching fish left and right. In
fact, they caught their limit, the boat was full...
Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and asks, "Thib, pass me dat piece of chalk over
dere." Thibodeaux replies, "Now Boudreaux, what the hell are you gonna do with a
piece of chalk?!" and hands Boudreaux the chalk. Boudreaux reaches over the side
of the pirogue and marks a big X and answers, "Mais Thib, I'm gonna mark this
spot on the side of the pirogue so dat the next time we come out here we can
remember where to catch all dees fish!" Thibodeaux turns to him and says, "Mais
dat's the STUPIDEST ting I never heard Boudreaux!! How you know we gonna rent
the same boat next time!!!"